Where do you send things to, when your heart ain't got no room? - Lauren O'Connell
So after all was said and done you might have thought this family stabilized and on the road to getting better. You'd be wrong. Things are as dysfunctional as ever and this is the status quo. Anyone whose put enough time between themselves and unhealthy situations can relate. I'm disappointed, disillusioned, disheartened, and simply done. I won't bore you guys with any more details about this family unless (swine achieve flight) things actually improved. Until then, this part of my narrative is over. I've got nothing left to give and have begun to regret my decision in returning home.
Today I called my aunt to give her an update. Yes the same aunt who whips my dad back into line. Funny thing about her is she's not like that at all. She happens to be one of the most centered people I have in my life. In my youth I possessed all the rage and unpredictability of my parents combined. Through mistakes and experience I managed to learn and overcome. My aunt never judged and never ever once made me feel bad or guilty for my mistakes in life. She only tried to help me understand where I went wrong. The lessons often took years for me to realize, but I learned them.
OK. So I thought I was finished unloading details about the dysfunctional family but that's not the case. As I was typing this out tonight my sister texted me a second time to chastise me (again) for using an idiom with my nephew the night prior. She did it once in the morning and I didn't feel the offense was quite near as bad as she made out. It really wasn't. It was when she did it again tonight because the father (who is no longer a daily part of his own son's life) felt it was wrong. It was an idiom! Wanna know what it was. After we played fetch with a tennis ball and the dogs, we went to wash his little hands. I referred to them as "bad boys" in the context of "let's wash these bad boys". Her reason was is that they don't want to refer to any body parts as good or bad. OK, fair enough but I was never informed of this decision before. Now I know I have a potty mouth, and it takes all I've got to not swear in front of the little guy. Anyone who knows me knows that that's an accomplishment in of itself when I don't. I'm proud to say that, to date, I've avoided any bad language around him. So back to the "bad boys" idiom. So what would happen if he heard it from someone they couldn't chastise? OMFG, how would they deal with it then?!? Before I go on any further allow me to underscore how unfair this is in the context of what also took place that night. The little guy also began repeating a word he heard my mother use when she addressed my father directly. This is a phonetic representation, but the word was "pan-chuy". The word in English means nothing. In an unknown dialect of Chinese it means penis or dick. This is mom's pet name for dad. His pet name for her is the Chinese (unknown dialect) word for vagina. The kid only started repeating DICK in Chinese last night for whatever reason. He didn't bring it up with mommy and daddy today because he can't relate since it's a different language. I made sure mommy was made aware of this since she saw fit to pursue me a second time. It's yet another reason why I'm so indignant about all of this. So to be sure I'm not losing my mind, I did what any sane person would. I asked friends of mine who are parents. Most of them thought, scratch most, all thought it was overkill and ridiculous. It's easy enough to write off new inexperienced parents, but they thought it was stupid. What about the ones who have remained intact as families and have more than two kids. They also agreed, overkill. By the way, thank each and every one of you for letting me know I wasn't in the wrong.
I made the mistake of relaying this injustice to my dad. He decided to explode in anger saying I should know (at a very high volume) that everyone is different and should never repeat an idiom to a child. At that second I know he didn't have the foggiest idea of what the definition of an idiom is. I said to him "say it louder again dad, if you're louder that means you're that much more right". He shouted louder again. I egged him on with a sarcastic "oh that made it crystal clear dad. you are right!". Yes, the idiom contained in the final reply was completely lost on him only confirming that he doesn't understand. I am done.
This is what I get for coming to help my family. Never again.