blow me away

Sissy is doing better. I saw her and the nephew when we all went to lunch Monday. Yeah I know, I pushed it back again. I'm leaving on Friday, and will get back to that in a minute. She was visibly upset about something when we arrived at the restaurant. She had to step away due to an important phone call but returned looking less upset and more stressed. She's had a lot on her plate and was working out how to tackle it all in her head. This was such a good sign and really put me at ease. So now that this major concern is on the wane, I exhaled.

Over the weekend I did absolutely nothing towards getting ready for my departure. With all that happened over the prior week I really needed to decompress. Doing so helped a little but that's when my overactive imagination took over and started scaring the shit outta me. Sometimes I really hate the human brain, mine in this case. I started playing out all kinds of the worst case scenarios of what might happen to me or worse yet, my beagle. The anchored part of me has already been out there and experienced it. So I know I love it, can do it, and will make it work. If I had to analyze it, I think what's freaking me out is that my prior outings took place with me returning to a home/job or a place where I know I could stay indefinitely. Not that I want to live with mom and dad indefinitely. They're partially responsible for my relapse into this kind of thinking. It's old world fear mongering that's culturally in them when it comes to what I am about to do. So these fears are compounded when you add the recent incurred expenses for the maintenance and generator. And to underscore the fear the latter two were already accounted for in my finances/plans too.

Today I ran around town getting a few rare items (the kind rural towns never stock). Mom had time to kill and accompanied me. She knew I was torqued about a lot of stuff and needed to regain my bearings. She listened and only made small talk the entire time. It wasn't until after we'd been home a while and she was leaving for my sister's place when I remembered. When I brought it up she said "you know you can come back here and stay if you need to, don't worry", followed by "I'll be back home tomorrow if you want me to run errands with you". Thanks mom, you're the greatest!

I'm good now. Although even though some more of her silent moral support wouldn't hurt, I'd really just like to spend some more time with her before I depart. For who knows how long this time.

Tomorow I'm picking up the generator, getting a tire rotation, and one more load to drive to the rig. After that I only have the packing/loading of stuff with me that I'm using until the last possible minute.

Yeah, I'm living in interesting times right now.